Renowned linguist John McWhorter has a piece of advice for those engaging in conversation: steer clear of the phrase, “It is what it is.”
In an insightful discussion on Bill Gates’ “Unconfuse Me” podcast, McWhorter, an accomplished author and associate professor at Columbia University, explained the true meaning behind this seemingly innocuous expression.
“People say it when, really, what they mean is, ‘I don’t care,'” McWhorter remarked. He recounted a personal experience when someone used this phrase in response to an unfortunate event, leaving him with the impression that they were indifferent to his concerns. He further described it as a “gorgeously chilly way of saying: Your problems don’t matter to me.”
While “It is what it is” is a phrase many have likely encountered and even used themselves, it often surfaces in situations where a problem or predicament cannot be resolved, requiring acceptance. However, McWhorter cautioned that its passive nature could erode trust in your relationships.
Trust in communication hinges on making others feel supported and valued, as leadership advisor Yasmene Mumby explained. Deep, inquiry-based listening is a key component of this, allowing individuals to genuinely connect with one another.
However, McWhorter’s disdain for the phrase comes with a silver lining. He noted that using it can reflect emotional resilience, as it signals an acceptance of one’s circumstances. Psychologist Cortney Warren concurred, emphasizing that resilience stems from acknowledging reality without seeking comforting explanations.
For those looking to convey a similar sentiment without resorting to the overused and potentially dismissive phrase, Warren offered an alternative: “I have to see reality for what it is, even if it’s not what I want, so I can move forward.” While lengthier, this expression provides necessary context and avoids clichés, making it a more effective choice.
As for McWhorter’s final verdict on “It is what it is”? He suggests that it should be retired from our conversational repertoire.
